Generations of Stress
Although he had the skills my grandpa had, his attitude in stressful moments was very different, and that made all the difference. Eventually, they broke up, and my mom met my dad. One day, my dad's car broke down, and my mom cringed, expecting the worst. “Here comes the swearing…” she thought. But instead of reacting with frustration, my dad surprised her in the best way. He looked up and said, “I don't know how to fix a car.” “Well, neither do I. What are we going to do?!” She asked. My dad turned to her, grinned, and said, “Tag, you're it!” Then proceeded to RUN into the field next to them. That simple moment changed the tone of our family's approach to stress forever.
Fast forward about 20 years, and anytime the family car breaks down, rather than swearing, we play car games and laugh as we wait for help to arrive. This tradition of choosing laughter over frustration reminds me that while we can't always control what happens, we can always choose how we respond. Stressors are inevitable in life, and it's how we react to them that defines us. There will always be times of sadness, grief, anger, and pain—but there will also be times of joy, kindness, and laughter.
Humor doesn’t erase our problems, but it can defuse tension and give us space to think clearly. Laughter can't fix a broken car, but it can fix a broken mood. Of course, not everyone responds to stress in the same way. Some, like my mom's ex, let stress control their emotions and reactions. I’ve found myself tempted to do the same since getting married. But now, when my tires blow, I remember to focus on what I can control.
Everyone has a circle of influence: things we have no control over, things we can affect, and things we can fully control. I have absolutely no control over my tire popping. I can impact the amount of time we’re delayed by contacting help as soon as possible. And most importantly, I can control the way I react, with practice and discipline. Sometimes, it’s as simple as shifting your perspective. Viewing stress as a challenge instead of a disaster can be a powerful first step.
My family has dealt with its fair share of disasters—basement floods, last-minute moves, health scares, death in the extended family, and countless others. And each time, I watched my mom rise to the occasion and figure out the next step. Flooding? Let’s grab all the towels and rent a Rug Doctor. Moving? Let’s ask her to work for spare boxes. Not every disaster will have a clear path forward, but as Brandon Sanderson wrote, “The most important step a man can take is the next one.”
Now, as I shift focus to my own young family with T, I reflect on how traditions began. In the early days of marriage, as we’ve been building our life together, we’ve tried to create a household where laughter continues to be our response to life’s curveballs. Often, it’s easier to deal with stress when we face it together. It helps me to talk about my problems—even if, sometimes, T is the source of that stress! Sharing our burdens makes them lighter, and that’s why family is so wonderful.
In the end, life will always throw unexpected challenges our way—flat tires, flooded basements, or moments of overwhelming emotion. But what truly shapes us isn’t the problem itself; it’s the way we choose to deal with it. My grandpa taught my mom the value of capability, my dad taught us the power of humor, and now T and I are learning to carry those lessons forward. We may not always have the tools to fix every situation, but we do have each other—and the ability to face stress with patience, perspective, and a bit of laughter. That, I believe, is a legacy worth passing on.
(When our parents had COVID in 2020, my younger sisters and I decided to throw an at-home fashion show to pass the time )
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